Rules To Live By: You can only do your 50
For the past eight months, I’ve been doing a lot of introspection of my life. I’ve completed journaling exercises to understand what I’ve done good and what I’ve done that isn’t so good. One of the issues that I’ve noticed consistently is that I always give more than half.
In any relationship that I have, I don’t seem to mind doing my part and also a portion of the other person’s part. The problem with this: the other person is rarely carrying their own weight.
The more that I’d do, the more that the person would let me do. Thankfully, in 2009, I’ve learned to pull back and do my part only. This has allowed me to feel as an equal in a relationship instead of feeling used. This has also allowed the other person to really commit to our relationship. Either they are going to do their part or they’re not.
How do you know if you are doing more than your 50%?
- If you’re always are calling someone who doesn’t call you.
- If you’re always planning something for you all to do and the person never reciprocates.
- If you’re spending your time trying to fix the relationship and they don’t seem to be doing anything.
- If you’re apologizing for your mistakes and theirs as well.
No relationship can work if there isn’t mutual effort by all parties. It takes two oars to row a boat or the boat isn’t going to move. Whenever you think that you can maintain a relationship by yourself, think about being in a very small boat in the middle of the ocean with one oar.
You can only do your 50% of any relationship. If a person wants you to do more than 50%, then they really don’t value the relationship like they should.
Tags: empowerment, introspection, rules column, self help
About the Author
Yasmin Shiraz is the President of Still Eye Rise Films, an independent production company which films educational and thought provoking documentaries that chronicle the lives, traumas and experiences of youth. Her first production, Can She Be Saved?, a documentary that examines violence among middle school girls, was an official selection of the 2009 Roxbury Film Festival and recently won a 2009 Indie Award of Merit from IndieFest.
Yasmin Shiraz is the Award winning Author of Retaliation a novel about a community’s response to youth violence. In 2009, it was selected as one of the top Ten Quick Picks for Reluctant Young Adult Readers by the American Library Association. She is the author of The Blueprint for My Girls: How To Build A Life Full of Courage, Determination & Self Love (Simon and Schuster) and five other books. Her best selling “Blueprint” empowerment series is utilized as a self esteem, motivational, and educational tool at middle and high schools, after school programs, non-profit youth centers, as well as Boys and Girls Clubs throughout the country. 
2 Comments for Rules To Live By: You can only do your 50
December 14, 2009 at 9:19 am
I truly enjoyed this blog…you are truly speaking from your heart. I am a big sports fan and my team is in position to win the National Championship in College football. Nick Saban has told his team for the last 3 years that the team will not be successful if everyone does not do THEIR job. For a team to be successful, EVERY ONE must do their part. In business, at home, at school, on the field…nothing runs properly if everyone does not put in and give their fair share. Thanks for sharing my sister!!
Your #1 fan
Dr. Sims
Minister of Motivation
December 14, 2009 at 9:43 am
Love your post. It reminded me very much of advice/wisdom given to me in a leadership program. I’m paraphrasing, so apologies if I get it wrong. “In any relationship you are responsible for your 50% not the other persons, but it is also your responsibility to give 100% of your 50%.” In other words, you give your best effort for the piece you are responsible for and let the other person do their portion as well.
When you take on other people’s responsibilities, it doesn’t benefit anyone. This is a hard lesson for naturally helpful/giving people. They end up doing more than their 50% all the time:
* You don’t have the time? Sure I can do it instead. [you end up overworked]
* You can’t figure out how to do this? Oh don’t worry about it, I can handle it on my own. [they never learn how to do it]
* You have to go somewhere else? That’s ok. I can reschedule for us to meet another time. [you end up off schedule]
I think the key is finding balance overall. It is great to pitch in a fix, but if you always find yourself being the one who extends herself/himself, you may find that you way over your 50%.