Yasmin Shiraz

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase: “Your network is your networth.” If you haven’t, it simply means that whoever it is that you are networked with determines your networth. If you are networked with folks who don’t have a lot of value then your value will automatically be lower. If you are networked with individuals of high value, then you will have greater access to raising your value as well. And if you are not networking period, well, you have a bunch of potential problems on your hands. I’ve had many friends say, “I don’t like networking.” Its one of the most absurd statements for a working person to make. When you say, “I don’t like networking,” what you are really saying is “I don’t want to meet people who may be able to help me down the road.” Who in this world doesn’t believe that they’ll need help at some point in their lives? I’ve begun to step up my networking even more this year and I wanted to share some valuable ways for you to increase your network as well.

1. When attending conferences/workshops get the business cards of everyone you meet and then send them an email when you return to your office. Request to connect with them via facebook and/or linkedin.
2. When attending conferences/workshops look through the conference program and reach out to potential colleagues via facebook and linkedin and let them know that you both recently attended the same conference.
3. If you are using twitter, use the search engine and type in topics that interest you. When people come up, follow those people and introduce yourself. I’ve increased book sales, and press coverage through previously unknown twitter contacts.
4. Write handwritten thank you note to people that you’ve met recently. You’ll stand out since it’s not a formulaic email.
5. Attend networking events just for the sake of meeting people. Your purpose is to increase your network.
6. Set a goal of 5 new people a day.

In 2008, when I decided that I was going to focus on my film career, I didn’t have a lot of personal contacts in the film industry. But I decided to go to networking events, pitchfests, film festivals, acting classes–whatever was out there to introduce myself to my potential colleagues in the film industry. In less than one year and a half, I have over 200 film contacts. Its not a thousand contacts, but again its much more than I had in 2008. Now when I have a issue or I need support, I have people that I can reach out to. And that’s the great thing about networking, you can make it happen for yourself.

I’ve been so focused in the new year. Largely because I’ve taken the time to discard unnecessary papers on, around and under my desk. I decided in 2009 that I would no longer expect myself to do my best work while surrounded by clutter. I’ve taken this philosophy to my closets, to my bedroom, and to every room in my house. And you know what I discovered? I found that I’m thinking clearly and I’m more focused without all the unnecessary papers, magazines, boxes, etc. I found that I can actually get my work done better and therefore I’m happier. Here are five tips to begin your purge:

1. Magazines older than 4 months have got to go!
2. Business cards need to be added to the database and then trashed!
3. Sales catalogs that you haven’t bought anything in have got to go!
4. VHS tapes that you haven’t watched since ‘91 have got to go (buy the DVD if you must!)
5. All those pieces of scrap paper with people’s phone numbers should be entered into the cellphone and then thrown away.

I know its hard sometimes to let things go, but trust me, it’ll totally make a BIG difference in your life. How do you know if you have purged enough? If it isn’t beginning to hurt you still got lots of stuff to throw away. LOL. No, seriously, declutter your life. I know I am.

Peace.

Here’s a video of a DeCluttering expert who may have a career as a comedienne in her future! HA!

A colleague and I were on the phone recently and he asked me one simple question: “What does Yasmin want?” In that moment, my mind went blank. I didn’t even know what to say. Its not that I didn’t know what I wanted but I didn’t know what to say I wanted. Huh? Exactly. If you don’t know how to answer that simple question, then you don’t know what you want! That’s what I discovered. After we ended our discussion, I thought long and hard about what I wanted. I put a list together and wrote down the things that I wanted. I didn’t concern myself with what OTHER PEOPLE think I should have, I concerned myself only with what I wanted. Now that I’m comfortable with my list, I can go about 2010 claiming the things that I really want in my life and going on from there.

Do you know what you want? Here are some simple tips to finding out what you want.

1. Focus on what you like. What brings you joy?
2. Focus on things that you like to do. What did you enjoy before kids, family, financial issues?
3. Focus on the dreams that you may have given up long ago.
4. Focus on the things that people told you were impossible. Sometimes inside an impossibility is what you really want.
5. Focus on the things and circumstances that would improve the quality of your life.

Good luck with Knowing What You Want but like they say, “Knowing is Half The Battle!”

You ever feel unpopular when you see a celebrity birthday party and they’re celebrating with 500 of their closest friends? Do you ever ask yourself, “Where are my 500 friends or my 50 friends or my 5 friends?” In American society, we are socialized into thinking that more is better–more money, more stuff, more clothes, more cars, more friends, more, more, more.

We’re never taught to celebrate the 1 good thing you have–the one great car, the one great designer bag, the one really nice apartment, or the one great friend. One is never enough in our society.

For the past 17 months, I feel like I’ve gone through hell and back on so many levels–parental, familial, marital, financial, professional, creative–you name it, I’ve experienced some ridiculous drama in that area over the past year and a half. Whenever one drama ends, drama part 2, part 3, part 45, starts coming through the door. Sometimes I gotta shake my head cause I’m like, “Come on, now. Even I need a break!” But the drama keeps on coming.

This week I was experiencing a period of fog and one of my best friends called me out. He said, “Yas, you never put up with that kind of stuff with anyone before.” I won’t go into all the details of what we discussed but he reminded me of who I was and who I am. I had been in such a fog that I had begun to forget my own essence.

Though it was temporary insanity, I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have that 1 friend who could be real with me and tell me what I needed to hear. His conversation was stronger than smelling salts and it woke me up.

After that faithful conversation, I thought about all the friends that I’ve had in my life–the ones that I’ve gained and the ones that I’ve lost–and I was so thankful for this 1 friend who kept it real with me. I was so thankful for this 1 friend who wasn’t intimidated by my brand or my recognition to tell me that I had gone WAY OFF course.

I was so thankful for this 1 friend who didn’t care about my degrees, or books or lectures and told me what I needed to know so that I could help myself.

It would be great to surround yourself with 50 friends like this, but in the off chance that you just have 1, 1 great friend is good enough.

For the past eight months, I’ve been doing a lot of introspection of my life. I’ve completed journaling exercises to understand what I’ve done good and what I’ve done that isn’t so good.  One of the issues that I’ve noticed consistently is that I always give more than half.

In any relationship that I have, I don’t seem to mind doing my part and also a portion of the other person’s part. The problem with this: the other person is rarely carrying their own weight.

The more that I’d do, the more that the person would let me do. Thankfully, in 2009, I’ve learned to pull back and do my part only. This has allowed me to feel as an equal in a relationship instead of feeling used. This has also allowed the other person to really commit to our relationship. Either they are going to do their part or they’re not.

How do you know if you are doing more than your 50%?

1. If you’re always are calling someone who doesn’t call you.
2. If you’re always planning something for you all to do and the person never reciprocates.
3. If you’re spending your time trying to fix the relationship and they don’t seem to be doing anything.
4. If you’re apologizing for your mistakes and theirs as well.

No relationship can work if there isn’t mutual effort by all parties. It takes two oars to row a boat or the boat isn’t going to move. Whenever you think that you can maintain a relationship by yourself, think about being in a very small boat in the middle of the ocean with one oar.

You can only do your 50% of any relationship. If a person wants you to do more than 50%, then they really don’t value the relationship like they should.

Today I had a conversation with a relative and I was very disappointed by the time the phone call was over. Prior to the phone call I had high hopes for my day. I had a business meeting planned, brownies to be baked, and a Christmas tree to be set up. When I hung up the phone, I didn’t really feel like doing any of the things that I had planned. Instead of having a high energy day, I thought about climbing back into the bed and sleeping through the afternoon. The feeling of disappointment had begun to overtake me. I stood at the top of the stairs and heard a small voice in my head say, “Don’t do it.” And then I thought about it.

I shouldn’t let the disappointment I feel about one conversation stop me from enjoying my day the way that I had planned.

Sunday is the day that I’ve reserved to write my “Rules To Live By” column and here on this Sunday, I was given a new rule at the top of my steps.

1. Use disappointment to motivate you to accomplish the things that you want.
2. Use disappointment to encourage you to have a happier life and surround yourself with supportive people.
3. Use disappointment as fuel that feeds you to redefine your life on your own terms.

When I entered my bedroom after hearing those three words, “Don’t Do It,” I put on my corderoys, sweater, matching hat, scarf and gloves and I went on to my meeting which was VERY PROMISING.  While out I was able to get the jump on Christmas cards and shopping. When I made it back home, I made my FABULOUS brownies that will be eaten after my barbeque chicken, navy beans and collard greens. And somewhere between the dinner and the dessert, I’m going to put up a Christmas Tree. And I’m happy.

I’m happy because I didn’t let disappointment stop me in my tracks. I’m happy because all of the wonderful things that I accomplished today, I may not have accomplished anything had I not used disappointment as fuel.

As you go forward in this journey called life use disappointment as fuel. Feel free to share your experiences using disappointment as fuel…

Peace and Blessings,

Yasmin

I’m introducing a new personal tips column for the visitors of my blog ‘cause I see people have been too disrespectful. In other words, folks need to get tightened up real quick.

Emotional Abuse: Don’t allow it!

When you allow people to talk to you and treat you any kind of way, you allow yourself to be emotionally abused! Its like you’re saying, “I don’t respect or care about myself so I’m going to let you talk to me or treat me like I’m worthless.”

With the technology boom, I’ve noticed a HUGE lack of respect between people so I wanted to speak up on it. These are key areas that people need to be put in check so they don’t emotionally abuse you. Below are rules to live by! Feel free to use them with the people that you know.

1)    If I text you and your phone is on, text me back. If you don’t, I’m cutting you off because you obviously don’t care about me or you would have returned my text.

2)    If I call you and leave you a message and you don’t call me back in a decent time frame (8 hrs or less,) I’m cutting you off. Why? Because people who value me and my time, call me back quickly. (Emergencies and REAL hecticness are the exceptions to this rule! But you shouldn’t have to wait 72 hrs for a return call!)

3)    If we talk in the morning about doing something in the afternoon, and you don’t show up, don’t call me and don’t text me with a good explanation for the no-show, you’re phone number is as good as deleted from my phone. Don’t play games with me.

If you’ve been allowing people to emotionally abuse you, watch your life change when you implement these rules. Stand up for yourself. When people refuse to respect you, it shows that they have no respect for themselves!

I hope you can appreciate these Rules to Live By! The Rules will come on every Sunday!